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If you go to St James'
In Newcastle town
You'll see folks dressed like humbugs
And wearing a frown
With their faces as glum
As the fog on the Tyne
For the last cup they won
Was back in sixty nine

And they've tried holy water
And praying for help
So desperate for silver
To put on the shelf
They even tried Gullet
And his sexy football
But they all were impotent
And won bugger all

They've nowt to go home to
It seems they cant win
The Board say their women
Are ugly as sin
So they say howay lads
let us gan for a sup
But they drink from the bottle
Cos they don't have a cup

Then came Uri Geller
His spells for to cast
To free all their clocks
That are stuck in the past
With my crystals and magic
I'll bring joy to you all
But he just bent his wand
And they won bugger all

Then in desperation
To lighten the gloom
They begged for Kevin Keegans
Return to the Toon
They gave him a wallet
That strained at the seams
To go out and buy them
A cup winning team

But then he was rattled
By Alex Ferguson
Said I'd love it I'd love it
If we beat the scum
The runaway leaders
Slowed down to a crawl
Kevin Keegan just lost it
And won bugger all

On a Saga holyday
Bobby Robson embarks
Just to bask in the hot air
Of St James' Park
Take the Mags to mid table
I doubt they'll get higher
To swell my bank ballance
Before I retire

I know I should win them a trophy to kiss
But with cash rolling in I'm just taking the Piss
No black and white tags on the cups there at all
So just kiss my arse
Cos you'll win bugger all

Sod all!!